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Posts Tagged ‘Perfumed Garden’

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Women are more favored than men in indulging their passion for coition. it is in fact their speciality; and for them it is all pleasure; while men run many risks in abandoning themselves without reserve to the pleasures of love.”

The Perfumed Garden, Richard Burton, Trans.

 

 

INTRODUCTION

 

Throughout the history of the world, there have been shores on which the flotsam and jetsam of humanity have washed up. Some of these nomads and refugees arrive looking for adventure and fortune, others to escape either the authorities or penury, but most travel to these places for sex and to find release from the burdens of unrelieved competition,  stress, and failure that marked their lives wherever they came from.

Thailand in the last few decades of the Twentieth Century and the first decade of the Twenty-first is just such a place and Pattaya can be viewed as its ultimate example. Originally a sleepy fishing village, it evolved into the R and R location of choice for the American soldiers fighting and dying in the steaming jungles of Viet Nam. The Mid-west farm boys and ghetto youth of all races got their first taste of oriental hospitality and sex. They liked it and many stayed. Many of those that left could not forget and ultimately returned. Later, as the City grew into a justly famed center of worldliness, others, men mostly, came to retire or otherwise escape the apparent pointlessness of what they referred to as the “Rat Race” and the women (and in some cases men) who did not understand them or rejected them for others more pleasing in one way or another.

Almost every afternoon at about 3 PM a small group of these men would assemble at a comfortable bar in a building located on the border of Pattaya’ (hereinafter referred to as ‘The Outskirts of Hell’) and Jomtien Beach (hereafter ‘Paradise by the Beach’). They would gather for a few drinks, to swap stories and on occasion to enjoy the attention of the large number of young woman, independent contractors, who offered various consulting services to the generally quite older male clientele.

Now, our gang, the Geriatric Knights generally sat at an oval table in the back room of the bar. From this perch, they could observe the comings and goings around them as they and everyone else went about their business because indeed it is business that is the purpose of the establishment and everything that goes on there.

The name of the place is “The Kennel Club”. According to one of the Knights, it was so named because it is a place, “where old dogs come to die.” In addition to the large oval table, the back room contained a long bar, a few sofas and another large table in the corner. Also, there was a public hot tub located about three paces from the oval table for use of the ladies and their guests.

The Kennel Club had another large room bathed in red lights containing a smaller bar, some more sofas, and tables and a darkened corner referred to as “Blow Job Corner”. There also was another room which contained the inevitable pool table. In this room, the free Wednesday and Saturday BBQ’s are served. Off this last room were about 5 well-appointed smaller rooms containing a bed and a bathroom that could be rented out on a short time basis so that a gentleman and lady would have some privacy and quiet to discuss such things as the “Problem of Evil” and the “Big Bang” theory.

Now our gang consists of 5 middle-aged and older male refugees from the incipient ruin of the US. For purposes of confidentiality, they shall be called, Harvey, Density, Spy, Giufa, and Jerome or Horace as he preferred to be called.

Now in order to accurately picture these stories in one’s mind, I suggest that the reader imagine this as a big budget movie starring aging male celebrities and movie stars. Our Knights then could be played by Al Pacino, Keith Richards, Nick Nolte, Arnold Schwarzenegger, and Willie Nelson. Feel free to replace any or all the characters with celebrities of your choice.

The owner of the bar, an American with a mysterious past, who goes by the name of Carmine, always sits at the end of the long bar. He will be performed by Robert DeNiro. His girlfriend and mamma-san of the Kennel Club can be played by the aging but ever lovely surgical wonder Cher. Her Thai name is Nat.

One of the more notable customers (not a member of the Geriatric Knights of the Oval Table) is a Seventy-two-year-old man with single long drop earring who attends the Kennel Club almost every afternoon. He is often referred to as “The Dancing Man”. You can imagine him as played by Gary Busey.

The Bar girls, although numbering between 25 and 30, for this initial tale we will be meeting only three. Playing Tai is Angelina Jolie. Natalie Portman plays another bar girl named  Daw. And the young Miley Cyrus, having just achieved her 18th birthday has been cast as Maliwan a bi-spectacled, clumsy strangely dressed young women trying to break into the business. All three are sitting at the oval table with the Knights when our story begins.

But first an explanation as to why western women movie stars have been chosen to play Thai woman and not Thai celebrities. The reason is not racism or at least the racism that one would expect. It is because no self-respecting Thai lady would expose herself to the humiliation of playing women like that in a movie such as this. However female Hollywood stars are used to humiliating roles and besides everyone knows that good female movie roles are hard to find these days.

Anyway, our tale begins with Spy (Willie) offering Angelina Jolie (Tai) 100 baht ($3) to remove her bra and panties and throw them in the middle of the oval table. After collecting the money she does so with aplomb and as an encore flashes her yoni and nipples to all at the table. Miley Cyrus (Maliwan) jumping up and down squeals to let her do it next.

When Spy hesitates, Cher (Nat) approaches him and says, “Go ahead, give the young girl a break”.

Spy responds, “I will do it only if you also will take off your bra and panties and throw them onto the table.”

Nat agrees but only if she is paid whatever the other girls are getting.

Spy pays and Cher whips off her bra and panties throws them on the table, flashes her yoni and returns to sit beside her boyfriend.

It is then Miley’s turn. Unfortunately, she has difficulty unhooking her bra and needs Angelina to help her and she then tears her panties when they get caught on her spiked heels as she hurriedly tries to remove them

Meanwhile, Natalie Portman (Daw) is busy giving Density (Arnold) a full body lap-dance.

Stay tuned to the next installment in which Harvey (Nolte) discusses conflicting economic theories with Tai (Angelina).

 

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