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In order that a woman may be relished by men, she must have a perfect waist, and must be plump and lusty. Her hair will be black her forehead wide, she will have eyebrows of Ethiopian blackness, large black eyes, with the whites in them very limpid. With cheek of perfect oval, she will have an elegant nose and a graceful mouth; lips and tongue vermilion; her breath will be of pleasant odor, her throat long, her neck strong, her bust and her belly large; her breasts must be full and firm, her belly in good proportion, and her navel well-developed and marked; the lower part of the belly is to be large, the vulva projecting and fleshy, from the point where the hairs grow, to the buttocks; the conduit must be narrow and not moist, soft to the touch, and emitting a strong heat and no bad smell; she must have the thighs and buttocks hard, the hips large and full, a waist of fine shape, hands and feet of striking elegance, plump arms, and well-developed shoulders.
The Perfumed Garden, Richard Burton Trans.

Symposium Concerning Women Who Deserve to be Praised.

“Thai women are all sugar and spice and everything nice and smiles, we cannot forget the smiles, all wrapped around the heart of a thug,” commented Density one day to the other Geriatric Knights of the Oval Table.  

“That may be true,” said Giufa. “Last night I was reading some old Arab stuff and I wrote some of it down.” He then took out a small notebook. “The writer seemed to agree with you. it was his opinion that, ‘the stratagems of women are numerous and ingenious. Their tricks will deceive Satan himself, for God the Highest has said Koran, chapter xii, verse 28) that the deceptive faculties of women are great, and he has likewise said (Koran, chapter vi, verse 38) that the stratagems of Satan are weak. Comparing the word of God as to the ruses of Satan and woman, contained in those two verses, it is easy to see how great these latter ones are.'” 

“Nevertheless,” he continued, “later on that same writer pointed out, ‘When a meritorious man finds himself near to women, his member grows, gets strong, vigorous and hard; he is not quick to discharge, and after the trembling caused by the emission of the sperm, he is soon stiff again.'”

“Ain’t that the truth,” observed Harvey. “But I don’t get a hard on with every woman I run into.” “Some turn me on a lot and some not so much,” he added.

With that the discussion around the table turned to the diverse preferences in women’s physical attributes among the individual Knights.

It was quickly agreed by everyone that Density preferred what was described as “Tits on a stick”, skinny little women weighing no more that 95 pounds sopping wet of which a quarter of that weight was in her boobs.

Harvey on the other hand liked them a bit more stocky with a little heft in the hip. But he also conceded that he preferred them somewhat smaller in stature, no Valkyries need apply.

This prompted Giufa to look up from his gin and tonic, remove his arthritic hand from between Angelina’s thighs where it had been soaking up the warmth and quote again from the old Arab: “‘It has been observed that under all circumstances little women love coitus more and evince a stronger affection for the virile member than women of a large size. Only long and vigorous members suit them; in them they find the delight of their existence and of their couch.”

“So true,” the others agreed.

Harvey then continued on, “What I really look for in a woman is something different, a woman with short hair where all the others wear it long for example, or women with special talents like screamers or squirters.”

“I don’t know about the rest of you,” said Jerome who prefers to be called Horace and who had married the same women three times with the same results each time, “but all other things being equal, to me it is just a question of the lowest price.”

“What about you Giufa,” he said turning to Giufa, “What turns you on.”

“Well, I have been giving it some thought, and seeing as how Angelina looks a lot like of one of my several ex-wives, and given how all my affairs seem to end up, I would have to say that I am probably most turned on by someone who reminds me of one of my wives, constantly lies to me and steals all my money.”

“Well” laughed Density, “You certainly came to the right country.” 

“What about you Spy?” He asked turning towards Spy who was thoughtfully listening to the conversation.

“As you all know,” Spy responded, “I tend to like smaller woman also and while breast size is nice and all that, what is most important to me however, is her willingness to go out with me and pick up other woman so that I can watch them fuck and then join in.”

“Well I guess  what this all shows,” Density summed up, “is that all men have different tastes or we five here are pretty fucked up.”

“Tell us Giufa if your Arab friend has and thing to say about what woman look for in a man,” he inquired.

Giufa read from his notebook:

“The tale goes, that on a certain day, Abd-el-Melik ben Merouane, went to see Leilla, his mistress, and put various questions to her. Amongst other things, he asked her what were the qualities which women looked for in men.

Leilla answered him: ‘Oh, my master, they must have cheeks like ours.’ 

‘And what besides?’ said Ben Merouane. 

She continued: ‘And hairs like ours; finally they should be like to you, O prince of believers, for, surely, if a man is not strong and rich he will obtain nothing from women.'”

“In other words,” added Giufa, “as they say here in Thailand, no money, no honey.”

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